Go From Peeved To Pleasantly Surprised
♪♫ “Let it go, let it goooooooo.” ♪♫
Today I want to talk about a client’s experience shifting into “Sage mode” (activating the calm and wise part of the brain) as preparation for an important and potentially conflictive conversation.
So, let’s call my client Bob. Bob had an important meeting scheduled with a guy that he has to collaborate with fairly often. Unfortunately, these two fellows got on each other’s nerves and a typical conversation often led to a shouting match.
Bob had been dreading this meeting, so much so that he had essentially ruined the last few days for himself by feeding his resentment and obsessing over what to say to the guy. Over and over.
He hardly slept.
For some reason, many of us find it easy to ruminate and worry like this. But what does this accomplish? 🤔
Anyway, Bob and I discussed what he wanted to see happen for himself and for the other person (the desired win-win), and what he hoped the relationship could get to (frictionless tolerance).
In the end, we decided together that instead of trying to script everything, he should do as many PQ reps as possible before the meeting so he'd be calm and truly present. And then go from there.
Hey – what are PQ reps?!?
PQ reps are a practice from Positive Intelligence mental fitness, where you fully focus on one or more of your physical senses. They quickly take you from your survival brain to a wiser and calmer place in the mind.
PQ reps can be as simple as really noticing your chest rise and fall with your breath, or feeling your feet on the floor, or truly concentrating on a sound in your environment.
Believe it or not, something simple like that can help you move from fear to love. Love in the broadest sense. 😃
In the end, Bob did several minutes of PQ reps in the car before his meeting and… it went GREAT!! The two men talked for an hour and a half and at no time did either party lose their cool.
The other guy was strangely cooperative and they discovered a lot of common ground they hadn’t been aware of before. Bob told me he was surprised by how well he could listen and articulate his position.
Fast forward: Bob and the guy did not become BFFs.
But they’ve since been able to get stuff done together various times, without tension. I had a similar shift happen with a neighbour, actually.
I just want to point out that this is not a miracle and it’s not woo. It’s a fact that we have mirror neurons in the brain that make us more likely “catch” the moods, emotions and energy that we observe in those around us. So calm people tend to soothe others and frantic people spread the panic.
The moral of the story is: there are no guarantees in life, but a calm and positive state (a true state, not faking it), along with a win-win intention, moves mountains. Why not try it?
